From the book “Delete This At Your Peril – One Man’s Fearless Exchanges With The Internet Spammers” by Neil Forsyth.
The 29-year-old Dundonian invented a bloke called Bob Servant, to frustrate and ridicule crooks who tried to rip him off.
Here are just a few of the emails.
FROM HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS JACK THOMPSON
Dear sir,
My father was a wealthy traditional ruler who was poisoned to death in Togo. Before he died he told me of £75m kept in a security company. I now seek a foreign partner where I will transfer the proceeds. I am willing to offer you 20 per cent as compensation for your effort.
BOB SERVANT
I have decided that I want 40 per cent. Not a penny less.
JACK THOMPSON
Dear Bob,
I will offer you the 40 per cent. Please send your full name, contact phone number, account number and country.
BOB SERVANT
40 per cent sounds right. However, as the taxman tried to turn me over back in ’89 when I was coining it in from the cheeseburger vans, can I have my share in diamonds and gold?
I can shift it gradually through pawnshops in Lochee. Or livestock (lions). My neighbour, Frank Theplank, has a private zoo.
JACK THOMPSON
Hello Bob,
I can now pay you through livestock. So you can keep them in your friend’s zoo. Send me your details and I will send photos of lions.
BOB SERVANT
Jack,
Thanks for putting my mind at rest and letting me know what a lion looks like. I had it in my head that lions wore spectacles. Just popped my head over the garden wall. Frank is excited about the lions. Are they male or female lions and do they talk?
JACK THOMPSON
1. The lions are all male. 2. I don’t think I have ever seen a lion that talks. I don’t know if you are also interested in leopards?
BOB SERVANT
Frank will take two leopards and one elephant. He is sure he saw a talking lion once.He says it reminded him of Jim McLean, the old Dundee United manager. He will take four lions, two leopards, one elephant,one alligator, two parrots, one hedgehog.One lion should talk.
JACK THOMPSON
I will only be able to get four lions, two leopards and one alligator. The rest will take some time to find. Please send £1700 now so I can send the lions and leopards to you. I think one of the lions may talk a little.
BOB SERVANT
I’m not sure about a lion that only talks a little, I’d like one that isn’t so shy if possible.
JACK THOMPSON
What is happening? I don’t sell animals. I only said I could get some lions to help you. Then you say you need a leopard. Now you are saying the lion has to talk? What is this madness? Send me the £1700 immediately.
BOB SERVANT
Jack, What does the lion say when it talks? I am just checking that it won’t get me into any fights.
JACK THOMPSON
Bob, let’s get straight to the point. The lions and leopards are here with me.They are friendly and one of the lions talks. Send me £1700 so I can ship them.
BOB SERVANT
Jack, bad news my friend.The guy at the bank said I cannot send you any money as I do not have any in my account.
JACK THOMPSON
Do you still need lions and leopards? I will send them for free but just send £700 for shipping to Scotland. Do it today.
JACK THOMPSON
Bob? No Reply
